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www.reuters.com/article/idUSTRE50M4BM/
how do you make this up? you don't
------

lyrics

police in Nigeria are holding
a goat on suspicion of
attempted armed robbery

vigilantes seized the black and white caprine
saying it was a car burglar
who had used black magic to transform himself
into an animal

to escape the consequences of his felonies
after trying to steal a Mazda 323

"de car thief was a goat!
it had formerly been a man
but now it was a goat!"


the vigilantes' report reads as follows:
"we were out on patrol last night, as we do
and in the full moon glow

we saw some hoodlums attemptin' to rob a car
we pursued them: in the shadows
one of them escaped
while the other...

the other started mumbling a spell or some shit
started growing hooves and a beard
making weird noises under the baobab tree
and when we got to him...

he had turned himself into a goat!
it had formerly been a man
but now de car thief was a goat!

by power of witchcraft
and necromancy! (x4)"


Kwara state police spokesman
Tunde Mohammed
had to go on record
to reassure the public:

"we cannot base our information on something mystical
we cannot confirm the story, but don't worry
the suspect is in our custody:
he's eating straw and leftovers
and appears to be calm
being cute in the corner of his cell."

credits

from You didn't ask for it, but now it's here [EP], released January 4, 2024

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IATAGANO Foligno, Italy

bass-filippo
drums-simone
gtr/vox-francesco

noise/post-hardcore based in Umbria

YATAGHAN, noun.: a short saber, or long knife, that lacks a guard for the hand (Merriam-Webster)

IATAGANO, s. m. [dal turco yātāghan]. – Sciabola corta diffusa nell’Europa orient. e in alcune regioni dell’Africa. (Treccani)
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